Facing Your Fears: A Journey into Death Awareness
Death is one of the most feared experiences that a human being faces in their life. And because life and death are two sides of the same coin, death fears show life fears. But did you know that this fear is pliable? This fear is not a place to stay rather a spot to get curious and learn more. The common fears are of what is after death, pain at death, FOMO, the finality of death, leaving loved ones behind, and more.
Death is not an Emergency
It's important to remember that death is not an emergency and is not bad. It’s the injustices that bring us to death that is “bad”, rather than death itself. Death is the wisest teacher. The young die before the old and the healthy die before the sick. We die how we live; if we cling in life we will cling in death. Death is something that will happen to each of us.
My Personal Journey
My life dramatically improved when I started to face my fears of death head on. I went from numbing with alcohol and in abusive relationships, someone who stayed “busy” and could barely sleep (I was terrified of death), to being a death doula and deeply connecting with my divine, who I refer to lovingly as Teacher Death.
I was taught I was filled with sin and the talk of what would be waiting for me after death felt more hellfire and evil than puffy clouds + angels. I was 9. I can hear the wails of my child self pleading to not go to sleep, indoctrinated into a high control religion, fearing death would come for me when I closed my eyes. I was terrified.
Alcohol, abusive relationships, teen pregnancy, "sinful things" carried me through my teen and early adulthood years. Death? Not with this cluster of chaos. Even when deaths did happen, I'd just escape with booze.
Then my best friend died to suicide and Teacher Death sliced through the noise. I was left with no place to hide, I was bare. I was terrified. My friends told me I was depressed, it was soo much more than that.
The Transformative Power of Acceptance
Literally, going towards the fear of death, gifted me more of a connection to being alive. To be willing to look upon fear with curiosity rather than judgment and labels. And as one of my students, Emily, said, “Cait, after each of our death talks I have felt more connected to life.” This connection to life is a direct result of looking at the great mystery of Death.
The Transformative Power of Acceptance
Literally, going towards the fear of death, gifted me more of a connection to being alive. To be willing to look upon fear with curiosity rather than judgment and labels. And as one of my students, Emily, said, “Cait, after each of our death talks I have felt more connected to life.” This connection to life is a direct result of looking at the great mystery of Death.
Results of Looking at the Fear
By looking at your fears and living with death awareness you will experience:
A lessened fear of death in your life
A new understanding towards life
Tools to transmute depression + anxiety
The ability to move anger more swiftly
A more true-to-you life
Self-Soothing Techniques for Death Fears
Here are a few tips to help soothe your fears:
Deep, noisy breathing (sound like a lion) and/or humming
Get as low to the ground as possible or place your hands on your chest + belly
Affirm, “I am in my body, here and now.”
Remind yourself that nothing is permanent- not even this fear.
Squeeze, shake, sway, rock your body
A few affirmations to rely on when walking with Teacher Death: Death begins when life begins. Death is not a failure. Death is part of a cycle. Death reminds us that everything changes.
So if you are ready to face your fears and start living a more fulfilling life, signup for Death Fears Die Here.
About the Author
Cait is an experienced death doula, who is passionate about helping others face their fear of death, leading to a more fulfilling life. You can find her at @cait.deatheducation and learn more at awarecarelibrary.com.
If you found this helpful, let us know in the comments.
